Limbo with Tomato Extract
by Denebola
Summary: My feeble attempt at getting into Dante’s head. Watch as he thinks about women and food. Pretty dirty, so heed the rating. PreDMC3.


Summary: My feeble attempt at getting into Dante's head. Watch as he thinks about women and food. Pretty dirty, so heed the rating. Pre-DMC3.

Disclaimer: I don't own this. Capcom does. See: Envy in the dictionary if you have any questions.

* * *

**Limbo with Tomato Extract**

* * *

Tomatoes are a fruit. Did you know?

I didn't find that out until Enzo started going on about how pizza was healthy because it contains all four food groups.

(Except it's not. Not the way he orders 'em. And there are _six_ food groups.)

Mom used to always let us cheat when it came to eating our vegetables. There are all kinds of public service announcements on television about how that's a bad thing, and how that makes her a bad mother because she didn't shove beets down our throats when we were kids.

Just one less reason to own a TV; Just one more to be angry at the whole goddamn world.

I drink a lot of tomato juice now. It's cheap, if you buy it at the right place, and a hell of a lot healthier than water. Some of those guys down at Planet Love and in the red-light district used to give me a hard time about it, before they got used to my kick-ass persona, ya know?

"A virgin for the virgin," some asshole bartender would sneer, sliding down a glass.

Wasn't so damn smug after I saved his ass from that soul harvesting plant growing under the joint, was he? I guess I can't hold a grudge against him. Crusty bastard did give me an infinite tab for it. But I gotta wonder how much that's really worth when all I ever order is tomato juice.

Besides, he knows I'm good for business. The girls love me. Whenever I walk in, they step-up to their 'A' game, and put on a _reeeaal_ nice show.

It's kinda funny though, that it seems like every time I get some private time with one of 'em, they go and tell me their real name. I don't need to know their real name. Give me a Candy, a Kirsty, a freakin' Desiree. Just don't tell me how your dad used to beat your mom, and then come visit you at night after everyone else went to bed.

I'll be in the middle of givin' her the ride of her life, and she goes and starts crying. How is that supposed to make me feel?

I'm not a dick.

I swear.

But how am I supposed to help her, huh? Go find her childhood home, beat the shit out of her dad, and burn the place to the ground? What the fuck am I supposed to do?!

That's why I like the kinky ones. I'll take my drink bland, and my woman spicy, thanks.

I went in there the other day, and there was a new girl, right? Blond hair, blue eyes, really cute and had a great voice. And she was fuckin' terrified of me. Wouldn't even look at me.

At first I thought she'd heard the story about me and another girl there named Susie and some iron balls. It really wasn't as bad as it sounds. It wasn't even my idea. Honest.

So anyway, I tried talkin' to her a little, turned on the charm to get her to stop shaking whenever she met eyes with me. Not to seduce her or anything. Though I probably would have if she'd seemed into it. I just wanted her to feel comfortable around me.

I don't have the same reputation around these parts that I used to have with the old gang. Hell, I don't even have the same name. I wonder if she would have liked that guy _Tony_ I used to know.….

I'm glad she blew me off. She's too young for me anyway. Probably even too young to work there, but this area ain't known for its law abiding citizens.

I really shouldn't be surprised that she wanted to keep far the hell away from me. Some humans got that aura-reading thing going for 'em, and she might'a been one of them.

Or maybe it's the guns. Could be the guns.

It really shouldn't bother me this much. Just…. The only women whose fancy I tickle (or at least will let me get close enough to tickle their fancy for them) are the ones who got me marked as either a gigolo or a lost lamb. And usually, I got no problem with that. That's fine, so long as the night ends with me fucking their brains out.

Sometimes I wish Kerry never met me, never even saw me. I don't care what her life was before Bobby, it couldn't be worse than what it was after Tony.

I can't save the girls at Planet Love, just like I couldn't save the girls in my old neighborhood. Tony's neighborhood.

All I've ever been able to do is try to pick up the pieces.

So, I'm thinkin', why bother, right? Sex feels damn good compared to bein' skewered by some demonic shadow puppets, or some giant, inside-out, bat-shit crazy insect. And women are a hell of a lot more appreciative of my special skills than any monster I've ever bumped back into the night.

Yeah, okay, Grue had daughters. I had a mother once, too. This ain't got nothing to do with any of that. It's not my issues that need working out. The **world** is the one with the issues. I just work here.

Man…. I wonder if I would be an alchy if the stuff didn't just run right through me….

I'll try not to think about what it means that the only high I get is when I kill things.

Tomatoes have got to be one of the piss poorest excuses for a fruit there ever was. But they are my favorite color. That's a few bonus points there. Then again, apples are red too, and those are the most boring fruit in existence.

You know what I like? _Strawberries._

They're red, they're juicy, they're soft, and they taste great with chocolate. Again_, not a woman_ _issue_, though those are two great tastes that taste great together.

I like 'em frozen. With ice cream. Good god, what I'd give for one of Bobby's sundaes.

Fucking demons. Fucking **family**. I'm so sick of this shit. Why can't I be the one who can't remember? Why don't I get to forget?

You know what? I think that's what I'll do. Yeah.

What's past is past. I think I've paid my dues.

Hell yeah, I've fuckin' _paid_ my dues.

I'm Dante now. I'm _me_. And I'm all I've got.

At least… I'm all that counts anymore.

This is the real world now, and it wants my ass _dead_.

_I need to find that picture of Mom-_

**RIIIIIINNNNGGGG……**

Ah dammit! Freakin' thing. Fucker made me spill my juice.

**RIIIIIINNNNGGGG……**

You know what? I oughta just let it ring. You get to die.

**RIIIIIINNNNGGGG……**

But that was my _last can!_

**RIIIIIINNNNGGGG……**

Aw, Jesus…

**RIIIII-**

"This is Dante. You sure you got the right number?"

* * *

Author's Notes: So, yeah. This takes place vaguely between the end (pre-epilogue of course) of the Devil May Cry novel (GO BUY IT NOW!) and the Devil May Cry manga. At least I hope so. Many of the characters and events that Dante thinks about are from the book so (GO BUY IT!!! DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME?) if you don't understand what the heck that was all about, that's why. Some things that make more sense after you (GO! WHY IS IT NOT IN YOUR HAND YET?!) read it are:

1. Dante is kind of a jerky perv. Kind of…?

2. He hasn't sorted through his Mommy issues yet. I tried to allude to that a little.

3. He doesn't ask "What's the password?" yet, because he hasn't started _Devil May Cry_ yet. (I almost screwed that up! Yikes!)

4. Just about everything else. Seriously. (WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!)

Anyway, thanks for reading. Especially those of you who had no clue _what_ you were reading, and yet soldiered on. Still, even with the background info, I think I wrote it kind of dark. Maybe too angry. Not sure. What do you think? If anyone spots any continuity errors, _please_ tell me, because I'm not positive on what goes where in the DMCverse myself. Oh, and, uh, you might wanna go pick up that Devil May Cry novel that's out. I hear it's surprisingly good. R&R!


End file.
